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How To Tell If Work Has Taken Over Your Life
You may be thinking that your life needs more balance, more time spent at home and with friends and less time spent at work. Perhaps you’ve even mentioned this to your spouse, girlfriend, best buddy, doctor or co-workers.
If you have, it is likely that at least one of these people raised and eyebrow and explained the facts of life to you. That is, that nearly everyone is overworked these days and you should get used to it. Besides, your friend Joe said unsympathetically “I work a lot more hours than you do, so you have no reason to complain”.
Yet, there is that nagging doubt. That feeling that you shouldn’t always be so stressed, so tired, so short on time, coupled with the knowledge that you can’t seem to think clearly anymore, that you always forget family birthdays and that you rarely eat dinner before 10:00 p.m.
You should probably listen to your own intuition and take control over your life before you have no OTHER life than what exists in the workplace. If you still need convincing, or perhaps some more objective feedback, try this little quiz:
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Question
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True
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False
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1
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I am spending more time than ever at work and on work-related projects and activities.
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2
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I usually feel that I’ve run out of time at the end of the day, and I worry about all the things that did not get done.
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3
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I don’t have any time for myself, my family or my friends.
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4
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I don’t get to visit with, or talk to, my family and friends very often.
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5
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Social meetings always seem rushed and I find myself thinking about what I have to get done, and how I should be elsewhere, instead of enjoying the time with my family or friends.
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6
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On most days, every minute of every waking hour is scheduled with an activity, or I have something urgent to accomplish.
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7
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I’m not sure who I am anymore, and I often wonder why I chose this job or this career.
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8
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It is hard to recall my last vacation day or day off, or the last time I just sat and read a book or relaxed.
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9
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I don’t have much fun anymore and I rarely do something just because I want to do it or because I think it will be pleasurable or fun.
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10
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I feel stressed out much of the time and I find myself losing patience easily.
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11
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It is sometimes hard to sleep at night and to unwind at the end of the day.
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Question
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True
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False
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12
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My life is a blur. I feel like I have to keep moving from one thing to the next with no time to catch my breath.
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13
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When I do sit down to read a book for pleasure, or to watch a movie, or TV, I find my mind wandering back to work-related subjects, or I fall asleep from exhaustion.
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14
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I want more time for entertainment, hobbies and activities, but I never seem to get it.
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15
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I often have to postpone social engagements, doctor’s appointments or other personal things, or I am often late to these appointments
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16
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I am usually very tired in the morning when I arrive for work and, even after the weekend, I feel exhausted.
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17
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It is hard to find the time to help my children with homework, talk to my spouse or friend about their day or just sit and write out checks.
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18
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People depend on my income, but they also expect me to be there for important dates like birthdays and soccer games, and I feel torn and misunderstood, much of the time.
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19
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I almost always bring some work home at the end of the day, and/or I nearly always work for part of the weekend, or on my days off.
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If you answered ‘True’ to less than five of these questions, you are not overworked and your life is in good balance.
If you answered ‘True’ to more than eight of these questions, your life is seriously out of balance.
If you answered ‘True’ to more than twelve of these questions, you should immediately start a program to regain control over your life, before stress and overwork damage your health and your relationships.
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It would be nice to think that the companies on the leading edge of work-life balance programs are simply being good citizens and doing the right thing! But, the fact is that these programs make good business sense.
In addition to increased productivity and employee satisfaction, companies can retain valuable employees in a competitive environment, and attract new employees with these programs.
Every generation in the workforce today reports that work and life balance is one of the top issues for them and that they want to work in a company that supports their desire to have more balance in their life.
Whatever the reason for the movement, we should be glad it is upon us.
Who are the companies with programs, what do the programs look like and what results have they achieved?
You might be surprised to know that these companies cut across all industries in the private and the public sector. Here are some examples of program components:
Ø Elder care programs consisting of resources directories, counseling, elder care services and educational services
Ø Expanded telecommuting and ‘telework’ programs that allow employees to work from home or other locations
Ø Part-time and job sharing positions for employees come off disability or recovering from health problems, or for parents who wish to spend time at home with their children or with aging parents
Ø Fully accredited child care centers in or near the workplace
Ø Babies in the Workplace programs that allow a child to remain with a parent in the workplace until the age of six months or whenever the child starts to crawl
Ø Alternative work schedules and FlexTime work schedules that allow employees to work hours other than 9:00 to 5:00 in order to better meet their personal needs
Ø Family Advocacy Programs held at lunch-time on managing personal finances, parenting, stress management, anger management and elder care issues
Ø Outdoor recreation, walking paths and fitness equipment for employee use during and after work. Some companies even provide grills, row boats and other equipment for employee family use.
Ø Support groups for elder care, new fathers, holistic health, spousal abuse, single parents, adoptive parents, parents of teenagers parents of blended or merged families, caregivers, and grandparents raising grandchildren alone.
Ø Nursing Mother Rooms for breastfeeding moms
Ø Enforced scheduling and use of vacation and personal days to ensure that the employees takes time off from work
Ø Cross-training in positions to ensure coverage so that employees can take time off without the company suffering
These are just some of the examples of programs in government agencies, hotels, banks, corporations and union environments around the country.
Human Resource Management companies and universities study the effects of these programs and publish reports to support and encourage their growth. And the really dedicated companies keep finding new ways to encourage balance.
In many cases, this effort still has to trickle down into the company. Older managers or those supervisors who feel they are being shortchanged on work may frown upon these initiatives and studies find that programs put in place without adequate manager and employee training rarely have the same impact as a program that includes communication via seminars, training, written manuals and frequent follow-up.
If your company wants to start a work-life balance program, you can contact a consulting company that provides analysis and planning services to get you started, or you can look to some of the publications out there online or in written form for self-paced program implementation.
Here are some links to get you started:
https://workfamily.sas.upenn.edu/
http://www.wfcresources.com/resource-center/
A simple internet search will give you more options. Whether you are an employee, frustrated with overwork, a manager who wants to create a more supportive environment, or a company trying to get more information on these programs, the search is worthwhile.
Work-Life Programs benefit the company by increasing productivity and focus on the job, reducing job turnover and increasing employee satisfaction. Employees will miss less time from work, because they will not be sick as often.
Families will be more supportive of the employee’s job and company choice because they know the company supports the employee’s personal needs, and their efforts to sustain good health and to manage stress.
If your company does not have a Work-Life Program in place, ask your manager about starting one. See if you can get a grass roots movement going!
If you are in a position to influence the company’s decision or you have the power to decide on a Work-Life Program, don’t wait. Contrary to what you may think you won’t lose money or time on this program. Instead, your company will run better and you will find it easier to attract and retain good employees. You will get a lot of support and good press from your employees and your managers, alike - and your company may even end up in one of those University Case Studies. A role model for others to follow!
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Neglect, Misogyny, and Borderline Personality
There is some speculation that the culture of militant martyrdom may stem from the abuse of children at an early age. Militant martyrdom has been described as a result of children being reared in authoritarian fundamentalist familial systems (Kaganovskiy, 2003). Kaganovskiy ultimately explains the phenomenon of terrorism (in this case militant martyrdom) by a lack of empathy by the terrorist. This lack of empathy has been developed in childhood as a result of oppression, impoverishment, and suffering.
However, he argues that these conditions are second to repeated abuse and neglect as a child in the development, or rather non-development of empathy. Furthermore, Kaganovskiy suggests, women in these societies are the major perpetrators of the non-development of empathy in children. He suggests that because of the misogynistic environment and brutalization at the hands of males, women lose their ability to empathize. Therefore, women are not capable of teaching their children, particularly male children, empathy and actually become abusive towards their young. (DeMause, 2002; Janowitz, 2006; Kaganovskiy, 2003) Lachkar (2002) added that suicide attackers have developed a borderline personality disorder that developed because of neglectful and abusive child-rearing practices, frustrating dependency needs and viewing individual desires as weakness. She adds that young boys experience anger and resentment as a result. This may cause them to identify with charismatic leaders, adopt misogynistic and oppression ideologies, and disassociate with anything perceived as womanly, including participating in child-rearing practices (Berko & Erez, 2005; DeMause, 2002; Lachkar, 2002; Steiner, 1974). Thus, the cycle is perpetuated. Bardis (1973) additionally notes that physical violence is most commonly found those with lower social status and lower levels of education. As previously pointed out, there appears to be little positive correlation between poverty and support for terrorist acts (Krueger & Maleckova, 2002). However, this may provide some rationale for the support that is found among low SES Palestinians.
Click Here to read the full article.
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Not everyone believes this but the emotional and mental aspects of a person, when combined, leads to better self improvement.
Emotions love to dominate our actions and reactions, even though we do not want it to happen sometimes. The society often see emotions as a sign of weakness, so people are used to putting them aside and focusing on the rational aspects more and more.
No matter how strict and logical you may be, you will always feel. One way or another, someone or something will get through you.
Positive emotions are a lifelong goal for many of us concerned about emotional health and self improvement. What is more important; the amount of money you made during your life or the times you laughed out of sheer joy?
People tend to put their positive emotions behind their negative feelings. This is one of the biggest problems that people come across during their lives.
There is no clear way to ignore a negative experience and try to replace it with a positive one. Life just does not work that way.
For example, when you were a child, if your goldfish dies, you would be heartbroken. Your parents will probably buy you another goldfish but the sorrow is still there.
Things get even more complex when you become an adult. A fight with your spouse the night before will affect your entire day. You will go to work angry, tired, and your mind will wander. On the way home from work you will not notice the sun shining and you would not be tempted to stop at a roadside stand to pick up some fresh fruits and vegetables.
All this because that one negative thought has contaminated the way you perceive the reality around you.
In this moment you will realize finding a safe place to relax your mind will do wonders for your emotional and mental improvement.
That place is relatively easy to find. It can be an actual place or an imaginary location. The best idea is to totally lose yourself in it.
Let us say you have a problem on your mind and it just would not go away. Go bowling. Do not know how? Just give it a shot.
Get caught up in the game. Your mind will drift away from the negative thoughts that dominated your last hours or days and start processing a whole new kind of information.
A safe haven can take many forms. It can be a song, a movie, even a person or animal. The main thing is allow yourself to get completely involved with this new activity.
You might still get flashes of the problem every now and then. Ignore it and get even more absorbed in what you are doing.
When the bowling game, the song, or the movie ends you will abruptly return to reality. You will probably want to retreat back to the safe place. Do not do it.
The safe place exists only as a helping hand, not as a solution to your life's problems, may it be a small or big. It serves only as an escape route.
You will return from your safe zone with an increased energy level. You will feel better about yourself and gain more confidence. You will see that any issue can be resolved.
This is how a small escape from a harsh reality can increase your emotional and mental health. Try to do this often and you are on your way to better self improvement.
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In his book The Winning Attitude, John C. Maxwell, noted author and speaker tells us that attitude is:
The “advance man” of our true selves
Has inward roots but outward fruits
Is our best friend or worst enemy
Is more honest and more consistent than our words
Is an outward look based on past experiences
Is a think which draws people to us or repels them
Is never content until it is expressed
Is the librarian of our past
Is the speaker of our present
Is the prophet of our future
Your attitude, or your willingness to think positively, affects many people—from your family to the stranger you smile at in the grocery store. An optimist will see opportunity in difficulties, while a pessimist will see difficulty in opportunities.
You must choose which you will focus on: if you choose poorly, you will doom yourself to never achieving your goals and being successful. Count on that.
So how do you begin to think positively if you’re a natural pessimist? I don’t really believe there ARE natural pessimists, just people who have been taught how to consider the darkest side of every cloud.
You cannot change the fact that a problem exists, but you can do a lot to determine what opportunity is within that problem. Begin to see that problems are a fact of life and that your job is to find a way over, around, under, or through them—as quickly as possible. When you’re upbeat and consider how quickly a problem will be behind you, it’s easy to be optimistic.
Cynicism is another killer when it comes to attitude. It’s a cousin of pessimism—it considers everything suspect and everyone as having an ulterior motive. It never looks at someone handing you a piece of candy just to be nice, it always considers that there is a reason you’re being handed the candy and the motivation of the person who’s giving it.
Cynicism comes from having unrealistic expectations. Many people expect great and wonderful things to happen to them with little-to-no work on their parts. They expect things to fall from the sky in to their laps. When it doesn’t happen as they expect, they become suspicious of others who have achieved success and ultimately, cynical.
You must harness the power of your thoughts and words when setting your course for success. Use positive affirmations daily: remind yourself that a stumbling block is temporary and that you will overcome it; admit to yourself that you are courageous and able to move on when others cannot; agree with your vision for your life and your goals.
As you discipline yourself to do this, you will find optimism and positive thinking chasing you down the street. And who couldn’t use these two friends when we’re aiming for success?
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Incorporate these skills into your strategy for success and you’ll move forward quicker than you ever dreamed!
• Hustle: generally, people who make it big have one thing in common—they are dissatisfied with the status quo. They will not take what is “common” or “expected” and let that define their lives—they move past it and excel. You must work hard and hustle.
• Character: someone coined the phrase, “character is what you do in the dark.” In other words, when no one is looking, will you behave differently than if someone was looking? If not, then you have character. If you are attacked, be tough—not hard. Don’t be a pushover, but be compassionate, gentle, and flexible—especially on procedure (not principle).
• Risk Taking: this isn’t gambling, it’s a willingness to be bold, hearty, and to push forward. People who refuse to take risks are definitely going to lose. If you refuse a new promotion because you’re not confident of your skills, you will likely be passed over when a different chance arrives.
Don’t be afraid of rejection, just take it as part of life and you’ll find there’s nothing to be afraid of—especially in the word “no.” “No” is just another opportunity to find a way around an obstacle and to use creative problem-solving skills.
• Time Management: we all know that one minute has 60 seconds and that one hour has 60 minutes. One day has 24 hours, and one year has 365 days. But one year also has 525,600 minutes. We don’t think about a year in such small increments, but maybe we should. We waste minutes as if they’ll always be around, and the fact is that time wasted is time we can never get back. We might miss a deal or promotion of a lifetime by wasting just a few minutes.
Proper time management is essential as you climb to success. Continue to break goals down in to manageable chunks—do that with relation to your day and the time you’ve been given. You’ll accomplish far more this way and you won’t regret using your time wisely.
• Master Non-Verbal Communication: it is said that our body language and facial expressions do much more communicating than our words will ever do. When the words that you speak don’t match the expressions on your face or the stance of your body, you confuse the listener and muddle your message.
Be aware that when you try to “multi-task,” you often end up short-changing something, and the last thing you want is to short-change people. Don’t try to do too much at once—your willingness to do this tells people they aren’t important, even if you’re expressing your appreciation of their work and effort. Be aware of what message your body is sending off!
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